Meaty Kaleidoscope

When her voice comes in… it is exquisite. I was smiling from ear to ear. Shaking my head in disbelief. What beauty. I kept me from falling asleep. Kept me able to take in what I was being shown. What I needed to know.

Delight in myself as some kind of goddess, with help whenever I had questions or wanted to see something to gain insight. Delight in the arrangement of color in my space. The beautiful uniqueness of my cave, the vessel of my vessel, my treehouse, my trees. The rainbow light and me, I am in it. I am a composer. I harmonize. I draw good things into arrangement with pleases many and creates very special environment.

(This Was Not Today, This Was The Past Week or Two): Today at work, a old man gave me his ID. I knew he was a cop, like, an old-school detective-type (interested how much I like them, this kind of cop…it’s a very specific type, a specific feel to them). I just said, “You look like a cop. In a good way.” (LOL omg in a good way???) He takes his ID, looks at it, and says, “I was a cop. Back in the day. In the 80’s. That was a long time ago. I’m retired now, but I ran a security firm for a long time…”. I would love to be able to hear some stories and maybe if he comes back someday, I’ll get to.

Sick with faux-covid: My 2nd vaccine really kicked my ass yesterday and this morning! Wow, horrible and strange, but short-lived. But so sweet, Adam tucked me in last night and asked if I’d like to fall asleep to something on the tv. I said yes. He asked what and I said, “you pick”, my eyes already closed. After a few beats of his perusing YouTube, he said, “how does ‘Am I Really Dead’ sound?” It sounds great, I laughed, eyes still closed. Sweetness and joy. lol. It’s sweet when people who love you get you. Best things in life.

The weather just became beautiful, and like last year, I was sitting outside a lot, painting words into water-warped pages. I sat on my balcony, breezy, oceanic-feels. Here it is, back again, full circle, except I feel safe and established here. The fear is gone. I’m well onto my newness and await fresh choices. This home of mine with the sliding door open and the wind coming in. Safety in being loved by Adam and Captain, then outward into the world, this weird-ass meaty-kaleidoscope of a world. Anyhoo, writing in watercolor paint. Sketching. Maybe getting my pictures printed and pasting them into the pages. Very collage. Much medium. I think using fine quality thick watercolor paper so things don’t warp so much (because I value my handiwork). I think I will take pictures of the finished pages and that’s what I’ll use this blog for, using much fewer words. I think I’m finding my pattern here to be a bit repetitious. A bit boring, to be honest with myself, it has felt that way for a while. I guess I need to go live a little and then report when I’ve got a new story.

Author: Jen Crow

©Jen Crow. Be sure to ask for permission to use artwork for your project or supply a proper link for your blog. I warmly welcome comments and questions.

One thought on “Meaty Kaleidoscope”

  1. It never ends.
    The ribbon unwinds; unspools,
    And I will never stop watching, or ever stop waiting,
    Entwined. Apart. Eternal. Always. Always.
    It feeds things that would otherwise atrophy,
    It speeds things that would otherwise entropy,
    It sails things that otherwise becalm. Always. Eternal.
    And I cannot deny my thoughts of regret,
    And I cannot allay my thoughts of beset,
    And memory cuts so deep,
    What is right? This is not right. But this is inevitable.
    Because pain is an absolute.

    Liked by 1 person

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