Today was great, today was great. I felt so many things today. Happiness, peace, sadness, and rage. Boredom, fear, peace and calm. Happy happy moments, some. If we could will the way, some emotions would be better left to the night, and some to the day. Instead, arise they will, whenever and where my life exists inside this humanness. A push and pull of a body inside with other bodies, inside other bodies, pushing and pulling. Others. Relationships. The only thing and the everything. The Whatevers. Boundless and ripe, ready for picking when you leave the path for the orchard. Stay awhile. Stay awhile.
Yes, no One Thing. It’s impossible. For someThing to be a One, it has to have edges. And, nothing that has edges can possibly include everything. Nope.
Doing what is good for me and I’m better for it now. It’s hard-going sometimes, isn’t it, kids? Going against the flow against hard, deep currents. Swept out to sea, but close enough to see the people waving on the shore you have to work to change direction sometimes. I have advanced hugely in regard to what it is people have given me. You get to keep a lot.
Sometime previously: I left work almost in tears, just because people are so…angry. Stressed-out. Difficulties everywhere. Me, sad about being on edge; about feeling so threatened by it all. So I got in my car and wanted to cry. I dabbed my eyes and called a good friend. She told me exactly what I need to hear: some days are good and the positives of working with coworkers will be reaped! Friendships; being uplifted by them, enjoying them. Other times, one has to listen to the negativity, the bullshit and it feels burdensome, tiring.
Oh, so my dear friend, she gave me really great advice. She said perhaps I ought to preview old journals. Read about what I was wishing for, what inspired me and motivated me. She also said (after I asked her what she would do, were she me) that she would put some effort into honing my spirituality. Take a class with like-mindeds. Get Reiki certifications (super interesting, just not cheap). I think yes. My journals are in a box, packed and taped shut. I have wanted to take some pictures of the insides of those journals. Maybe tomorrow I’ll do that.
“Wouldn’t it be nice to say things to people without having to say I know this sounds weird, but…”. Yes, it would be very nice. Has been nice. Also, as such a beginner in it all it would be great to get support.
At the center, the Emperor, inverted (Central Thought):
Lack of self-control and inability to handle situations can be represented by the Emperor on a personal level. When he is reversed, the structures, rules and systems that he creates are no longer working. His desire to inspire higher principles in his kingdom have turned to ruthlessness, tyranny and rigidity. He seeks to dominate, forgetting his call from the crown to do what is best for his people, fearing only for his loss of control and thus creating suffering. (https://labyrinthos.co/blogs/tarot-card-meanings-list/the-emperor-meaning-major-arcana-tarot-card-meanings).
On the left, the King of Wands (Creative, Right-Side Brain):
“…a time of focus and perseverance.”…”This is not just a temporary condition. There is a longevity to your success. Your victories are likely the result of your ability to take chances when daring is needed and be cautious when it is required.”…”Trust your judgments on investments… The stability and success you are experiencing now has the potential to be more permanent. Your good habits will sustain you as long as you continue to actively practice them.”
On the right, The Hanged Man (The Sequential and Consequential) :
The hanged man understands that his position is a sacrifice that he needed to make in order to progress forward – whether as repentance for past wrongdoings, or a calculated step backward to recalculate his path onward. This time he spends here will not be wasted, he does this as part of his progression forward. His upside down state can also symbolize the feeling of those that walk a spiritual path, for they see the world differently. Where there are others that do not understand the need to sacrifice, you see it differently. This is a natural course of action for you as you walk the path alone. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU ARE IN A VERY GOOD STAGE/BRANCHING OF CLEARING SOME OF YOUR KARMA TO A MORE PEACEFUL STATE (SOMEDAY MAYBE SOME INFUSED BLISS DAYS IS THE HOPE. maybe I should make those come into reality by interpreting them into the physical/material world. What in this world could materialistically give be bliss? Well: To see another great art museum – the works, the building, the grounds. I’ve been to Chicago, to New York, to L.A. Where would the next great museum be to visit? Philadephia? After visiting family and friends, I think that would be a good goal/inspiration.
The Hanged Man card reflects a particular need to suspend certain action. As a result, this might indicate a certain period of indecision. (Basically, be patient. Acceptance of being patient for changes. Accept responsibility. Let it arrange itself, what is out of my control. Wait for alignment in my self and the world). IN OTHER WORDS, COOL YOUR SHIT AND CHILL, MAN.
I’ve been making myself blogs and journals for years and then years more, but I’ve never made myself a book. It could have everything in it, from photos to writing and it’s designed so differently (god, I loved books so, once. Just ab-so-fucking-lute-ly loooooooved books… I have to work on stillness…Let my body freak out for a few minutes. It will and does eventually relax and then my mind does succumb to switching over to the reading part of my brain.
I’m liking the opportunity for growth it is. It feels like it’s moving along and in a changing-scenery kind of way with the revolving cast of characters. Sometimes its harrrrrd because people can’t just chill the fuck out, banging their heads against the telephones against each other for no good reason; sometimes I feel carried and lifted up by them. I also love how physical it is, my job. I did a brave thing and it was worth it.
OMG yayee!! I just saw big Spring buds on the trees!!! I’m so excited! Yay, trees, yay!!!
God, finally the dishwasher is done. I can go microwave my food in a microwave-safe dish now. I had to wait, like, 25 minutes it feels like. It’s really windy right now. Beautiful out. Chimes chlanking in the chill.